They’re black
So you couldn’t see the soot on them when I brought them
home
It’s been five years now
Something white has begun to appear on the surface
But I still don’t know what to do with them
There’s a bag of his underwear in my closet
Most of his clothes went to Goodwill
He got a lot of clothes from thrift shops
So I think he’d appreciate that
But Goodwill doesn’t take underwear
And it didn’t feel right to just throw them away
And I still don’t know what to do with them
Soot was everywhere
On everything
It came home with me when I brought his things home
It got on my hands and on my clothes
And it took six washings to get it out of his clothes
Traces of it still linger
In the garage on the shoes and the jacket hanging there
And I can still smell it on warm days
It’s been five years and it is still there
And all it takes is a line in a TV show
Or a phrase in a song
And I can feel it
On my hands
In my heart
In my failure
