Aftermath: something that results or follows from an event, especially one of a disastrous or unfortunate nature; consequence: the aftermath of war; the aftermath of the flood.
The
purpose of this blog was to talk about what I’ve learned in my life and how I
got to where I am now. The loss of my son Jonathan has put me in a place I
never conceived of being, not even in my worst nightmares. I have felt like I
needed to write something for some time, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was
that I needed to write. Life, death, the afterlife, God, religion, coping with
loss, fatherhood, how to cope while being alone, how to help my son Benjamin – so much has come up in the
last three months. I’m still not sure what to write about, but I thought I’d
start typing and see what comes out. So, here goes.
I’ve
been thinking a lot lately about Job. Before I go there, though, I need to say a
couple of other things. The first is that a big part of my identity is that I
consider myself a family man and a Dad. Even as a kid I knew that being a Dad
was important to me. I was raised Catholic and when I was confirmed the saint’s
name I chose was Joseph, because he was a father. As an adult, my desire for
more time with my family (especially at holidays) was a major factor in my
decision to leave retail management and go back to school. Being a Dad has
always been important to me.
The
second thing is that I’ve always had ambivalent feelings about whether God
exists or not. I was – as I said above – raised Roman Catholic. I fell away
from that through middle school, then returned to the church when I was in high
school and was asked to join the folk group at the local Catholic church. I
played in that group through high school and into my undergrad years at George
Mason. As I went through undergrad I went from unquestioning acceptance that
God was up there somewhere, to an appreciation of how Jesus gave the world a
personal God (one who could be called Father), to a realization that I had
fundamental differences with basic Catholic beliefs (I’ll get into some of
those some other time). I came to realize that I could no longer call myself
Catholic if being Catholic meant believing those things. It was actually a
class on the New Testament (taught by an ordained minister) that provided the
last bits of information that led me to decide that I simply do not know
whether there’s a God out there. Nonetheless, when I was worried for one of the
kids or my wife, a silent plea went out to someone to take care of them.
But now
I know this: if there is a God out there, He’s got a hell of a lot to answer
for[1].
And I
will also say this. I no longer think the Judeo-Christian God is worthy of
worship.
Why?
Well, for a start check out the section on the Hebrew Bible in chapter 2 of
Steven Pinker’s book The Better Angels of
Our Nature: Why Violence has Declined or a somewhat similar list of reasons
(atrocities) online here: http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/donald_morgan/atrocity.html. But really, what made me take
the final step was the story of Job.
As I
said before, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Job. So, this week I pulled
the old King James version off the shelf and checked out the Book of Job. It’s
been a long time since I last read it and I was reading it with different eyes…
Job was
a good, God-fearing man. “Fearing” is actually a pretty good description. He
was so afraid of what his God would do – with good reason as it turns out –
that he made sacrifices for his children in case they might somehow affront
God. Job was a successful man and he had lots of stuff. He also had a wife and
ten children.
So, one
day God was having a visit with his sons and Satan. God (bragging?) points out
Job as a good man to Satan. Satan suggests that Job is only good because God
has given him lots of stuff, so God offers Job up as a test and allows Satan to
take it all away. Job lost all of his stuff and all ten of his children were
killed[2].
Why? For a test. So God could show Satan that his followers love him no matter
what. Really? This is how a just, good God acts?
Job was
understandably grief-stricken. He’d lived his life trying to be a good man. He was succeeding by
all accounts – including God’s (see Job 1:8). Job wanted to
know what he had done to deserve such treatment from God, yet he never cursed
God for his losses. God’s response when he finally shows up? In a nutshell, “You
don’t know what it’s like to be me, so how can you question me like this?” Job ended
up apologizing for being such an ungrateful wretch so God gave him back twice
as much stuff and ten replacement children. That last bit really set me back and got me
thinking. Replacement children? Really?
That is
no God I want to worship.
I think
Job had a right to expect better from his God. And he had a right to question
him. Children have a right to expect certain things from their parents. One big one is
that parents should not abuse their children. And what God did to Job was
nothing short of abuse and he did it just for bragging rights with Satan. Some
of you might be thinking, this only applies if you accept Jesus’ conception of
God as a parent. What if you believe God is the ruler of the universe. That
makes him a leader and, if you’ve read some of my other writings, you’ll know
that I have beliefs about leadership. One of most important of those is that
leaders take care of their people. Yes, I never had to send someone to their
death at Kmart and some leaders do have to make those kinds of decisions, but
such decisons should never be made lightly. Was winning an argument with Satan really enough of a cause to allow the deaths of ten
children?
I close for
now with the question that Abraham asked God: Shall not the Judge of all the
earth do what is just? (Gen. 18:25)
[1] Ok, yes, God could also be a She
or an It, but the sentence loses something written that way.
[2] I do feel compelled to point out
that Job had 7 sons and 3 daughters. They were all at the eldest son’s house when
it collapsed, but the verse (Job 1:19) only says “and it fell upon the young
men and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.” The girls
don’t even merit a mention?
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